Like a Four Leaf Clover
by HeatherMoriah
Summary: This fanfiction is set around the episodes For Better or Worse and Driven. It will basically follow the story, but have more details and angst. Kate deals a lot with her inner fears, and show how much she has changed over the years. In later chapters, I will also include Castle and his journey. All main characters involved. I hope you enjoy it! This is my second Fanfiction.


Hi guys! So this is my second fanfiction! Whoo! My first, Kelly's Song, is still ongoing. This, however, is a Castle Fanfic. It is going to be set during and after For Better or Worse, the season 6 finale and Driven, the season 7 will be more than one chapter. This will include Kate dealing with Castle being gone, and her process of searching for him, as well as a more detailed reunion. I have no idea what the actual date was for the first wedding and I couldn't find anything about it. If I fail to find out the date, I'll just make one up until I do. I am positive that it is somewhere. (Revision: The amazing castlefanfics on Tumblr helped me find the date. Thanks again!) I hope you enjoy it! If you do, please leave reviews! As always, constructive criticism is welcome. Also, I edit my stories myself, so there are bound to be typos. Feel free to follow me on my twitter Heather_Moriah (shameless self promo)... Jk. it's just so I can communicate with you guys other than through reviews. Hope you guys enjoy it!

May 13, 2014

Kate stood at the entrance to Castle's loft, breathing deeply. It had been 48 hours since Rick went missing, and here she was, wondering what she was even doing there. It may be her home now as well, but it didn't feel like it without Castle there. Martha and Alexis had gone to the house in the Hamptons some 36 hours earlier, in order to get away from all the memories of the accident that were still too fresh in everyone's mind. Kate stared at the door, absolutely terrified of what lay beyond it. ' _Suck it up, Beckett,'_ She thought to herself as she turned the key, and slowly opened the door. Immediately, Kate was hit with a thousand memories as she gripped Castle's jacket, one that her dad had given her earlier, tightly, almost desperately. She stood frozen in the doorway, as they consumed her thoughts. Castle, in the living room, playing poker with his writing buddies; settling the score at the dinner table about who has saved who more. Kate sighed, willing the onslaught of panic and guilt that was about to overtake her, to just give her a minute. Just one. She hadn't cried since right after the accident. Once she started to focus on finding Castle, the emotions didn't matter, so much as the drive behind them. But even she can't hold off the heartache forever, so she knew the waves of overwhelming grief would soon come. She stepped into the loft apartment, and closed the door. She slowly started to walk around, trying her very best to avoid the many pictures of Castle, for fear she might lose it. Kate sat on the couch for a while, just breathing in the familiarness, before getting up and going to the kitchen. She hadn't eaten anything in the last 48 hours or so. She had refused any offer of food on her wedding day, for fear of upchucking as she walked down the aisle. _'No need to avoid food now,'_ she thought as she warmed up some soup that Castle had made a few days earlier. She sat down at the table to eat it, but couldn't bring herself to. Everywhere she looked, there he was. In the cup left on the table, still half full of cold coffee; in the laser tag gun that leaned against the arm of the couch, he was everywhere.

After about an hour of trying to convince herself she should eat, she gave up and prepared herself for her next challenge, going to bed. In Castle's room... their room. She walked straight through his office, refusing to look anywhere but straight ahead, and entered the bedroom. She closed the door and stood staring at it, her back to the room, breathing heavily. She was _this close_ to completely breaking down. None of this was okay. Castle disappearing, Kate working furiously to find him, not knowing where he could be, not being able to get married when they had planned, that was NOT okay. That was pretty damn close to falling off the edge of what not okay is. Keeping her face towards the wall, she walked over to the dresser, grabbed the first items of clothing her fingers touched, not caring whose they were, and ran straight into the bathroom, eyes closed. She slammed the door, turned the water on in the bathtub, and slid down the wall to the floor as she waited for the tub to fill up, the tears finally falling. Once the tub was ready, she stripped, making sure to lay Castle's sweater down carefully, and got in, letting the warmth of the water surround her, wishing it was another type of warmth, one that she couldn't have. She stayed there until long after the water grew cold, wishing she could just sleep there; where the memories couldn't hit her like a ton of bricks and where she could almost pretend that Castle was in the bedroom waiting for her, like he was still there.

Eventually she got up, and walked over to the clothes that she had grabbed from the dresser. She stared at the them as tears formed in her eyes, threatening to spill over once more. Kate must have opened one of is his drawers because here she was, staring at one of his shirts, as her grief from the terror of the last few days finally hit her. She stared down at the grey t shirt, almost scared to even touch it. She reached out and grazed her fingers along the soft fabric, eyes welling up, threatening an overload. She suddenly grabbed it fiercely in her hand, and brought it up to her face, breathing in the scent of Castle. _'Rick,'_ she thought as she buried her face in the shirt, sobs now taking over her whole body. Suddenly, she felt too weak to stand, and she opened the door of the bathroom, Castle's shirt still in her grasp and ran desperately to the bed. Still stark naked, she crumbled, falling on the bed and curling up, sobs wracking her entire body, her mind no longer able to protect her from her own thoughts. Her cries had a desperate sound to them. It was a very verbal representation of her breaking heart. The last day and a half had been consumed with looking for him, spending every moment focused on finding him. Now, however, since Gates ordered her to go home, she had nothing else to think about other than her guilt and pain. She sat up, looking around as her mind continued to wander through the abyss of her memories. A picture of Rick caught her eye. It had been taken on his birthday over a year ago, when Beckett had surprised him with a fake murder mystery as a present. In it he was smiling with childish delight upon finding out that it was just a ruse to keep him occupied, since he couldn't work on cases with Kate due to his broken leg. In the present, Kate smiled at his adorable glee, wishing she could go back to that moment, so she could hear his laugh one more time. She picked up the picture, and laid it down on the bed for a moment, as she put on Castle's t shirt. She then crawled under the blankets, clutching the picture frame, inhaling the scent of him, and cried. She couldn't help but think that she would never see him again, or hold his hand in hers. She longed for one of his hugs, the only embrace she had ever known to hold her together, even when she was falling apart. She rolled over to his side of the bed and cried into his pillow, the smell of him overwhelming her senses, as she longed for his presence.

May 11, 2014 (48 _hours earlier)_

"Can you please hurry up!" Kate practically screamed at the limo driver as he neared the sight of the crash. Barely letting the vehicle come to a full stop, Kate scrambled out of the limo, struggling to exit, the poof of her wedding dress making it nearly impossible to accomplish without help. When she saw Castle's car though, it fueled her, and she pulled herself out, ripping some of the dress in the process of doing so. She honestly couldn't care less about the dress than she did in that moment, the only thought running through her head was a silent prayer that Rick was okay. She got as close as she could to the car without being set on fire, realized that it was his car and fell to the ground, no longer able to hold herself up. She sat there crying and looking around, hoping that Castle had somehow gotten out of the car safely. She was numb. She didn't even notice when Kevin Ryan and Javier Esposito came up behind her and sat as well, silently lending their strength to their friend and coworker. Someone was screaming and sobbing so loud that Kate's ears felt like they were about to explode. It wasn't until her dad got down on his knees, having just arrived from the wedding venue, and pulled Kate into a bone crushing hug that she realized that it was her. She could now her desperate cries and pleas. _Castle_ and _please_ were the only words coming out of her mouth that anyone could make out. She was in hysterics, leaning against her dad and hanging on for dear life. She clutched his shoulder so hard that she was sure she was hurting him, but Jim Beckett didn't make a sound. He just sat on the ground, holding his sobbing daughter in his arms, wishing with all his might that he could take all the pain away.

A few hours later, at the 12th precinct, Esposito stood guard by the woman's bathroom. Kevin walked up beside Espo, having gone down to the lockers to get Beckett her change of clothes. "Anything?" Ryan asked, looking sadly at the bathroom door, worried.

Esposito shook his head, "Nothing, bro. She hasn't said a word to me, although it's definitely not for lack of trying." Espo took the clothes from Ryan and knocked on the bathroom door softly, "Beckett?" There was no response. Espo continued, "Beckett, I have a change of clothes for you. Can you open the door so I can give them to you?" Still nothing. A few seconds passed, then the door opened slightly, and Kate's hand reached out for the clothes. Esposito handed them to her and the door was quickly shut once more. He thought he heard a small, 'Thanks Javi,' but he couldn't be sure. He turned back to Kevin and the two exchanged a sad look before Gates called out for Ryan. A few short minutes later Jim Beckett arrived, carrying a sweatshirt of Castle's. He gave a small nod to Javi, and walked past him to knock on the bathroom door. After not getting a response, yet again, Jim tried the doorknob to find that Kate must have forgotten to lock it again. He pushed open the door, walked in, and closed it behind him.

In the bathroom, Jim turned around to find Kate huddled on the floor, wearing gym clothes that were in bad need of an ironing. Her wedding dress was splayed carelessly across the floor, discarded like a clothing item that no one wanted anymore. Jim walked around it, still clutching Rick's sweatshirt and kneeled down in front of her. He stared at his daughter, who was clearly heartbroken, and tried to think of something he could say. But, in truth, he knew there wasn't anything he could say. He went through this, when he lost Joanna, and nothing anybody said ever made it better, so he knew that trying was futile. "Katie?" Jim whispered, not wanting to startle her, seeing as she seemed to not notice he had even entered the bathroom. "Katie girl?" Jim leaned against the wall next to her, as she buried her face deep into the crevice of the corner, not wanting to show her face. "Katie, don't hide your pain. I already know it's there." Jim sighed, wishing he could do more. Suddenly, he remembered the sweatshirt that Alexis had handed him earlier. "Hey, um, Alexis gave me this," Jim held out the sweater, as Kate continued to stare into the corner, "she said to give it to you." Kate turned towards him, slightly. Jim continued, "Look, Katie, I know that it's not what you really want or need right now, but having something to just hold onto can be a lifeline."

He held out the sweatshirt once more, as Kate turned her whole body towards him, her back now to the corner. She stared at the sweatshirt for a long moment, not reaching for it. Kate shook her head, "I don't want that. I want Castle, dad. I need Castle." She started to openly cry. Jim, completely ignoring the fact that she didn't want it, and shoved the sweater into her lap, causing Kate to grab it before it touched the dirty floor. She sat there in silence for a few seconds as she held the sweatshirt, rubbing her hands along the fabric, noting all the small blemishes in the well loved sweater. She slowly lifted it, finally surrendering to the fact that she needed some piece of Castle with her now, even if it was only an unclean sweatshirt. She lifted it over her head and slipped it on, noting the familiar smell of Castle, and reached up to pull her dad into a hug. "Thanks daddy." Kate said, sniffling, as she hugged him tighter. After a few minutes, she sat up and wiped away her tears, a determined look on her face. She gave Jim a loving kiss on the cheek and said, "I have to find Castle." She then got up and walked out of the bathroom, ready to face the stares and sadness. She had dealt with them before, and she could do it now. The only thing truly important to her was finding her fiance. She had to find him. There was no other option for her.

 _Morning of May 14, 2014_

Kate woke with a start, the nightmare of Castle's disappearance, that was all too real, still incredibly clear in her mind. The memory started to fade as she looked out the window, the sun shining brightly on her face, a harsh reminder of the fact that another day had come and gone. Despite the warmth of the sun's rays, Kate felt cold. It had been a long time since she had slept alone. She stretched out on the bed, and brought her hands to her face to rub away the sleep that threatened to consume her once more. There would be time for sleep once they found Castle, but for now she was awake and determined. She heard a small commotion in Rick's office, and her heart sped up a little in anticipation. She got out of bed and approached the door silently, not wanting to startle the person in the other room. Kate slowly opened the door, and saw a redheaded young woman sitting at Castle's desk, her hands cradling her face as she sat reading one of Rick's books.

Kate smiled fondly, "Alexis?" She inquired softly, startling the young girl, causing her to knock the book off the desk.

Alexis's head whipped around, her eyes searching for the source of the voice, as she spotted Kate. "Beckett, hi." Alexis said softly, as she quickly wiped away the tears she had been crying. "I had no idea you were here. I'm sorry if I woke you. I was just..." Alexis trailed off, staring down at the floor, her eyes welling up once more.

"It's okay, you didn't wake me. I was already up," Kate said as she bent down to pick up the book that had fallen to the floor. She handed it to Alexis, who took it from her, got up, and enveloped Kate in a fierce hug, nearly expelling all the breath from her body with the force of it. Kate smiled sadly, and wrapped her own arms around the girl, knowing full well that she needed the comfort just as much as Alexis did. They stood there for nearly a minute, before breaking apart. As Kate stepped back, she saw that Alexis was crying fully, near the point of a complete breakdown. "Hey, it's gonna be okay, alright?" Kate said as she cupped Alexis's face in her hands, tenderly stroking it. "I will not stop until I find Rick. I promise you that. Nothing and no one will be able to stop me." Kate started to cry as well, the sight of Alexis upset really sparking her emotions.

Alexis looked up at Kate's tear stained face, "How can you promise that?"

Kate sighed, "Because I will not stop, or spare any expense. I want him back too, and I can be pretty determined when I set my mind to something."

Alexis wiped her eyes and smiled at Kate. "So, what now?"

Without saying a word, Kate grabbed Alexis's hand, and the two women left the office and headed for the kitchen. As Kate opened the door to the freezer, she looked over at Alexis and asked, "So, what are you doing here? I thought you were in the Hamptons with Martha."

Alexis sighed, "Yeah, I was, but Gran is driving me crazy. She waltzes around the house, acting like nothing's wrong. I get that it's how she copes, but it's driving me mad because I'd rather be out looking for dad than avoiding everything all together.

Kate nodded understandingly, "I get that, but Lex, it's not safe for you. I don't want you to get hurt, and I'm sure Caslte wouldn't like it either." Kate looked over at Alexis as she said this, knowing full well that a retort was soon to come.

Alexis stayed quiet for a few seconds, just looking at Kate, before responding. "I know, but I want to do everything I can to help. I would hate myself if I knew that I didn't do everything I could to find Dad." Alexis then shoved a huge spoonful of cocoa pebbles into her mouth, unintentionally halting her half of the conversation.

Kate sighed and sat down next to Alexis, setting her own bowl of cereal down on the island. She took a couple of bites, then sat staring at the bowl as if it were a venus flytrap, ready and waiting to swallow up her spoon if she dared eat any more.

Alexis looked at her friend, and soon to be step mom, wondering silently what she could possibly do to help. Her face lit up as she got an idea. She stood up and grabbed Kate's hand, pulling her in the direction of Castle's office. "Come on," she said, tugging Beckett along, "I have something that may help us find him." Alexis and Kate then headed into the room, closing the door behind them.

So this is the end of Chapter 1. I hope you guys like it so far. I will post the next chapter in a few days. Please review. See you in the next chapter!


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